Sometimes life is a game of give and take. You give it all, you get some of it back. Sometimes. And other times you just have to let go of the things that are not meant for you. Even if you want them. Badly. So badly it hurts. Even if they make you the happiest you have been in a very long time. They are just not.meant.for.you. Not.yours. Not things you can have in your life.
I could start complaining. Get super mad about it. Mad at my body. Mad at myself for not being able to read the telltale signs. For not listening to my own limitations. For letting my willpower say “I know better. You can do this.”. I could. But I won’t. I will instead try to stay calm and positive. Learn from this.
Running has brought me so much. It has helped me heal from the biggest wounds I’ve ever suffered. It has kept me up when I felt I was sliding down. It has given me more that it has taken yet that wasn’t enough. Nowhere near enough.
So here’s the drill: unless a miracle happens I am banished from running for time being. I have been trying to not think about it, overlook it, think that I would get better in time and that it didn’t matter, that I would get back up to speed before the Royal Parks but the truth is that unless my appointment on monday goes amazingly well I won’t be able to run healthily for time being. “Time being” an actually pretty long amount of time. Whilst I won’t go into the gory details or dwell on it disappointed is a small word for it. I have put in so much work into this. I have done so much fundraising. I have put so much heart into this and to give up feels like the coward option.
Whilst I am still holding my horses until monday I am getting ready to say goodbye too. Or see you later. See you later to a part of me I cherish. To a part of me I care about. To something I have felt and still feel strongly about. But I am not saying goodbye to my journey. To the knowledge that I can still do big things. To the things I’ve learned from my feet pounding the pavement. I am so not. Whatever happens I’ll just do what’s best for me, for my health, for my wellbeing. Because here’s the thing: the minute something hurts you more than helps you… it’s time to move on. And that applies to everything in life. Relationships, jobs, everything. Don’t let anything drag you down.
We are precious. From birth to death we go through life like bulls in a china shop. Chips here, cracks there, we spend so much time trying to fix the damage done. Ultimately the damage catches up with us and that’s why acknowledging the cracks is so important. To go and heal is not to give up. To wish oneself better is not being a coward.
So here’s my deal: maybe this won’t be for me now… but only time will tell.
I am still keeping my fingers crossed for monday. But I am ready. Ready to head whatever direction I will need to.
I am ready to deal, to heal. My journey of a thousand miles will always start with one step.
Playing… this. I want to be well https://play.spotify.com/track/3d9MDVq4YUEMqURMCoJUyy