It’s been a few months without you. At first, I felt nothing but a sharp pain. Somewhere next to my ribcage it just hurt. It did. So bad I just wanted to go away.
But, yesterday I was talking to a friend about you and I realised that I missed you but I no longer felt the absence in my ribcage. You are gone, that’s a fact. And it is not going to change. You are not coming back. I hope you’re well wherever you are because it is so hard being here without you.
Sometimes I wish I had just one more chance to tell you that I am so proud of how much you fought. Proud of how good you made me and how much you taught me and the things we shared and the time we had. You were my friend and you will always be. It doesn’t matter that we won’t really see each other anymore. Whenever I will speak about you my eyes will light up. With nostalgia. With longing. But they will light up with happiness too. Because you left your mark in the earth, hell yes you did. You taught me how to be resilient and how to hang on and how to keep smiling even though I no longer wanted to.
And you made me strong. You reminded me of my beautiful bits when I didn’t feel very beautiful. You helped me fight my demons. And that’s something I will never forget, that the earth was a beautiful place whenever you stepped in. That life got better whenever you gave me a hug.
I miss you. And I love you. But I no longer ache. I hope that wherever you are you are proud. Because I am, I am proud I ever got to meet you.